Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Skinny Girl Stories: Don’t invalidate me for being thin
I’ve lost followers for discussing this once, so lemme try to re-explain in detail
I am thin. I don’t have thin privilege. You know why? Because I’m not the cute sexy skinny you see on commercials and billboards. I am
“below average” I am considered “underweight” but I can’t help it.
I was unfollowed before because I said I was upset that Jennifer Lawrence chose to promote body acceptance by saying skinnier people in hollywood were ugly old birds. She could’ve worded it better! You can be a Jennifer Lawrence fan and not have to agree with every single thing she says, you know! Bash self hatred, not the body. (btw just cause I’m tagging thinspo does not mean I approve it) I’m aware that people here are smart enough to know that having “thin privilege” doesn’t automatically grant a happy life but I think it’s wrong for them to ignore girls on the total opposite part of the spectrum just because we’re outliers in the American statistic. It’s wrong to assume that I’m not allowed to complain about weight-related problems. This “acknowledge your thin privilege” thin is ridiculous.
I have a prepubescent body, but I am a college girl! In my twenties! But I weigh 80-90 pounds at a height of 5 feet. Clothes don’t fit me properly, so I shop in the lesser good looking children section, because the more “mature” clothing is meant for bigger people. Good bras don’t fit because I dont’ have curves. It’s like being told you’re not a woman. And it hurts. It hurts waiting for your entire life for your body to change and it never does. I’ve been told several times that I’m not a woman. But I am! Why is it not acknowledged? My parents used to tell me I should just call myself a boy, because my body wasn’t right. I felt like crying all the time. I’ve been told (politely) to leave Victoria Secret because they did not have my size. I’ve been told only pedophiles would love me because of my body.
And I was born this way. My family hates it. My mother has called me a freak several times, and has taken me to the doctor several times pleading for an answer on why I’m not “thicker.” She compares me to other girls all the time, saying that I’m not feminine enough, over and over, and saying how girls should be, and how I’m not those girls.
During high school, people did not respect my space. Because I was so small, everyone TOUCHED ME . They’d feel my arms because it was such an oddity that they were like skeleton arms. Someone laughed and said I was like one of those African children on those charity commercials. The hell? Everyone accused me of anorexia, even though I ate more than them. I was described as diseased, even though I was not. People asked over and over, in a disgusted tone,”WHY. DO. YOU. NOT. EAT?” My friends do not ever say this to me, because they know my diet.
I did not have the opportunity to change my diet (family dinners), until finally I got to college. I had more freedom to eat, so I went on eating binges, and even if I was full, I just kept eating. And I ate more even if it hurt. I wanted my body to change so badly…but it didn’t do anything. ‘Cept wreck my digestive system and make me sick. It was really hard to be consistent with gaining mass at the gym with my science major schedule. There are physical complications with being underweight, especially for a girls, irregular periods, shortness of breath, lack of stamina… Not to mention the prejudice I get for everyone assuming that I’m a child before I speak when I go out to run errands.
I’m not as self hating anymore, I just learned to love myself a little more, but it still really bugs me when people tell me I’m not allowed to complain! So people insult me for being twiglike and flat, and then tell me not to be hurt about it because society is trying to be thin anyway. I’ve heard “welp, when people tell you to eat more and gain weight, it’s only cause they’re concerned and they care!”
You weren’t there, you didn’t hear their tone, you don’t know how often this happened to me .
If someone was told to lose weight and they got offended, generally speaking, would you comfort them by saying “OH THEY JUST TOLD YOU TO CHANGE YOUR WEIGHT BECAUSE THEY CARE”? If you’re a decent human being , I doubt you would.
Look, I don’t want lots of pity. I’m not saying I have it worse than others. That’s not my point. I just want someone to understand my insecurities, and it’s hard because -society- “wants” to be thin. Therefore I’m supposedly scot-free about weight!
When people complain to me about being too heavy, I always ask “Would you rather be like me?”
No one ever says yes. They stay quiet and then change the conversation.
I admit my insecurities have significantly lessened because I found others like me on the internet. But the fact that people assume that the clothing market caters to all thin people is bullpoo. There is a targeted range I admit, but I’m not part of it. Also the phrase “men like meat on their bones” or “only dogs like bones” or something like that. Hurtful!
- submitted by silentlyshrieking